Why You are Crucial to Your Child’s first 1,000 Days

Separation and divorce can cause distress for families, including potentially life-long consequences for children. At least 40% of Australian children live in a family that does not reflect the traditional nuclear family of ‘mum, dad and children’. This blog looks at the crucial first three years of a child’s life in terms of establishing healthy developmental functioning for life, drawing from Attachment and Family Systems theories.

Separation involves significant change for families. Even when dysfunctional, family systems tend to be durable, strong and resistant to change. During separation, conflict is inevitable, and the focus moves from a focus on the family as a system to the individuals involved. The family system needs to be reformed to allow for a shift away from parents as intimate partners to co-parents. This transition is often complicated and emotionally messy because parents need time to adjust to the change in their circumstances and the reformation of the family system. This life change impacts the relationships between the parents, between the parents and the children and between the children. The specific roles each child plays in the family unit changes.  When parents are happy and healthy, then the best interests of the children can be met. The gold standard in co-parenting is cooperative parenting, but at the early stages of separation, and in high conflict separations, that may seem unachievable.  Would you agree that even though health and happiness are a fine aspiration, during separation, the journey to happiness and health for each parent can be bumpy?

Family Systems Theory considers the family as an emotional unit that can be understood by systems thinking. That means that all the family members are interconnected, interdependent and interrelated. Therefore, a change in the family system, such as separation and divorce, leads to the adjustment of the whole system. Consequently, difficulties arise for all family members. As conflict increases, connections between family members bring less comfort and more stress.

You may have heard about ‘attachment theory’. Attachment means the biologically based behavioural system in all infants, across cultures, that aims to protect from ‘disorganising anxiety’ through closeness to sensitive, responsive caregivers who calm when there is upset and encourage discovery. Secure attachments are developed when infants and young children can access a secure base from which to experience comfort and to explore their world.

The first 1000 days of a child’s life lay relationship foundations that determine whether the infant will meet behavioural and emotional markers. More specifically, from before birth to the end of the infant’s third year, the quality of caregiving awareness, sensitivity and response (usually from the child’s mother), as well as the quality of the co-parental relationship, set the course of the child’s emotional, psycho-social and cognitive wellbeing for life.

The period of 0 – 3 years (early childhood) is, therefore, profoundly significant for healthy emotional and psycho-social development. This means that where parents are in dispute, and there is a child in the early childhood phase, priority must be given to the attention and planning of care arrangements for the child, considering the child’s circumstances and safety.

Healthy child development is dependent on the primary care-giver’s capacity to protect the child from physical harm and stress so that the infant develops a secure sense of attachment and can enjoy a sense of connection to the parent, explore their world and return to the primary carer’s attentive, understanding and warm welcome. Healthy child development is also dependent on the care-giver’s capacity to stimulate and support the child’s independent exploration, giving the child the ability to regulate the excitement and aggression inherent in the exploration process.

The optimal developmental environment for the child is a healthy co-parenting alliance that mutually supports the child’s relationship with both parents.  This “Triadic Secure Base” requires organised caregiving from at least one and ideally more than one available caregiver in early childhood and includes early attachment formation and joint parental involvement.

The support of a wider system, including community, culture and educational and family connections provides expanding caregiving and continuity to ensure secure development in early childhood. A systems thinking perspective includes the significance of important others in adaptive, healthy child development.

When considering post-separation arrangements for care of a child in early childhood, integrated perspectives that include the significance of the child’s developmental vulnerability in early childhood are critical to ensure that infants and young children are adequately protected and their interests considered in nuanced, situation-specific ways.

If your child is tuning out and turning off, getting lost in their inner world, avoiding close emotional connections or becoming angry, aggressive, anxious, disorganised or feaful, then there may be multiple ways you can support your child by repairing and restoring the connections your child has with you and the other parent. Often it takes a multidisciplinary approach to supporting you and your child to find happiness, security and internal stability required to flourish. Your support team can include specialist counsellors, therapists, integrated arts therapists, social workers and family lawyers.

If you would like to read more about conflict and its impact on children, click below:

https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/pubs/conflict-effects-children

Are you separating and concerned about the impacts of your separation on you and your children?  Contact our expert family lawyers, right now!

If you are thinking about separating or divorce, then Anumis Legal will guide you through the complexities of your parenting agreements, your property agreements and/ or your divorce.  You can successfully negotiate your parenting arrangements with experienced professionals.  The Anumis Legal family law team will answer your questions and provide the practical advice and legal solutions you need to make your separation and your divorce as calm and efficient as you need it to be. As experts in solution-focused strategic, and streetwise legal advice, Anumis Legal will guide you through alternative dispute resolution methods that prioritise cost-effectiveness, collaboration, and your emotional well-being.

Resolving the tricky aspects of your separation begins by reaching out to our dedicated family law team today to start a collaborative, proactive approach that considers your child’s best interests and lays the foundation for your future. The Anumis Legal Family Law Dream team has your back with confidence, compassion for your best outcomes and your wellbeing.  For your complimentary chat with our expert family lawyers, call 07 5455 6347 or email admin@anumis.com.au now. We look forward to assisting you.